I wrapped her in my coat - see? - but still she holds the Winter in her heart, clings to the ice and the snow and the frost and the steel-surgical-blue of the sky, blue as her eyes (roll back her eyelids, see for yourself. As blue as betrayal, my snow-girl's eyes), and she will not warm herself, no, not for all my asking.
I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck three times (you see? Three. Three is lucky. Three threes is magic, but my scarf is not that long), but still she holds the ice and the snow and the frost at the heart of her and she will not warm herself, no, not for all my pleading.
I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck, and I covered her feet (you see? Such tiny feet, my snow-girl has. So small. Like doll's feet, china-white), but still she holds the Winter in the heart of her, and she will not wake and she will not warm herself, not for all my praying.
I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck, and I covered her feet, and I lay down beside her and wrapped my arms around her and gave her my warmth and my breath (see? Feel my hand, see how cold I am. That warmth, I gave to her), but still she holds the frost and the snow and the ice and the blue sky and the Winter at the heart of her, and she will not wake and she will not warm herself, not for all my gifting.
But she is beautiful, my snow-girl, with the frost riming her eyelashes and the snowflakes in her hair. Ice-cold and beautiful.
I am old and ugly, tired and full of sleep.
And I am oh-so cold.
...I feel like a snow-girl sometimes...
The repetition made me think of the twelve days of Christmas, actually. And I thought it made for a very nice twist on it~
But the thing I like most is the meaning I see in it, which is a person trying (with little success) to make another happy.
You write wonderfully, in my opinion.
Have a nice day and Happy Holidays
This- "as beautiful as the frost-rimed spiderswebs lacing our tree. Ice-cold." is just out-of-this-world.
There's a child-like voice to the (in all of the 'see?' lines, as well as the run-on use of 'and'), which brings across a sense of helplessness. Suggesting grief (or pity) has been strong enough to have overcome more rational thought.
I see that the four paragraphs are following a similar structure to each other, but by the time I got to the last I felt there was too much repetition. I had already picked out the points of interest by then, making that last mostly more of the same (although mileage may vary in this point).
I think I need to put the heating on now...
With regard to the fourth paragraph, I take your point completely - I was getting a wee bit bored with the repetition by that point XD I need to edit it down, but it's tricky to do without losing the lyrical/childlike feeling.
This whole piece makes me think she's dead without you spelling it out, and whether that was your intention or not I don't know, but it has a really nice effect! I am impressed!
And the image I was working off for this one was of an old homeless guy finding the body of a young girl in a snowdrift and dying of exposure because he'd taken off his coat and scarf and boots to keep her warm in the hope she might wake up.