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She is ice-cold, my snow-girl. Ice-cold, and snow-white, as beautiful as the frost-rimed spiderswebs lacing our tree. Ice-cold.

I wrapped her in my coat - see? - but still she holds the Winter in her heart, clings to the ice and the snow and the frost and the steel-surgical-blue of the sky, blue as her eyes (roll back her eyelids, see for yourself. As blue as betrayal, my snow-girl's eyes), and she will not warm herself, no, not for all my asking.

I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck three times (you see? Three. Three is lucky. Three threes is magic, but my scarf is not that long), but still she holds the ice and the snow and the frost at the heart of her and she will not warm herself, no, not for all my pleading.

I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck, and I covered her feet (you see? Such tiny feet, my snow-girl has. So small. Like doll's feet, china-white), but still she holds the Winter in the heart of her, and she will not wake and she will not warm herself, not for all my praying.

I wrapped her in my coat, and I wound my scarf around her neck, and I covered her feet, and I lay down beside her and wrapped my arms around her and gave her my warmth and my breath (see? Feel my hand, see how cold I am. That warmth, I gave to her), but still she holds the frost and the snow and the ice and the blue sky and the Winter at the heart of her, and she will not wake and she will not warm herself, not for all my gifting.

But she is beautiful, my snow-girl, with the frost riming her eyelashes and the snowflakes in her hair. Ice-cold and beautiful.

And I?

I am old and ugly, tired and full of sleep.

And I am oh-so cold.
Because getting random depressing images at 1am is clearly a sign you should write random prose, right?
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-12-23
:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2013   Writer
I got a bit of a murder-suicide vibe from this. Beautifully told. I think the repetition works really well.
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:iconkawaiishootingstar:
KawaiiShootingStar Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
This is really beautiful! :) I love it... <3
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconstarlightshoals:
StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Student Writer

...I feel like a snow-girl sometimes...

 

The repetition made me think of the twelve days of Christmas, actually. And I thought it made for a very nice twist on it~ :giggle:

 

But the thing I like most is the meaning I see in it, which is a person trying (with little success) to make another happy.

 

You write wonderfully, in my opinion. :)

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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
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:icontarzok:
Tarzok Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
:clap::clap::clap:
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for commenting :)
Reply
:iconminami-kousaka:
Minami-Kousaka Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Student General Artist
This beautifully haunting story makes me think of Jack Frost and Elsa.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD :dalove:
Have a nice day and Happy Holidays :santa:
Reply
:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! You too :)
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :huggle: :santa:
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
I love the progression of this and the rhythm and the imagery. It's sad and longing and thought invoking. Great job. 
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Many thanks!
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013
Absolutely. 
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:iconabbymeyer:
AbbyMeyer Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
Ahh I love the imagery and the  use of repetition in this; it reminds me of a dark and haunting nursery rhyme. <3
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! The nursery-rhyme/storybook feel is really what I was going for with this one, so am very glad it came across :)
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:iconxxalliebombozixx:
xXAllieBomboziXx Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Is it really REALLY bad that I automatically thought about Jack Frost and Elsa? *sighs* This OTP of mine... its crazy xD

I loved this poem! It was lovely and I love the way you wrote it!
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! 
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:iconwaywardcoconut:
WaywardCoconut Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is amazing! Very welll deserved DD!!!
Reply
:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
Very haunting story. This is wonderfully written and I love interaction with the reader as if he or she were really there. :D

This- "as beautiful as the frost-rimed spiderswebs lacing our tree. Ice-cold." is just out-of-this-world. :love:
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D Thank you!
Reply
:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
Most welcome. :)
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013   Writer
The repetition in this makes it feel just like a folktale. It's very beautiful. You should definitely write random prose from your 1am depressing images if this is the sort of story that comes of it. :D
Reply
:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D Thank you very much for commenting, and am glad you like it - shall try and write more 1am randoms in future XD
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:iconbrokentales:
BrokenTales Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013   Writer
The idea of someone huddling over a dead girl in the snow came through clear to me as well. So more points for you :)

There's a child-like voice to the (in all of the 'see?' lines, as well as the run-on use of 'and'), which brings across a sense of helplessness. Suggesting grief (or pity) has been strong enough to have overcome more rational thought.

I see that the four paragraphs are following a similar structure to each other, but by the time I got to the last I felt there was too much repetition. I had already picked out the points of interest by then, making that last mostly more of the same (although mileage may vary in this point).
I think I need to put the heating on now... :onfire:
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thank you very much for the crit, and am very glad you enjoyed the piece.

With regard to the fourth paragraph, I take your point completely - I was getting a wee bit bored with the repetition by that point XD I need to edit it down, but it's tricky to do without losing the lyrical/childlike feeling.
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:iconobserver14:
Observer14 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Hummm..  If "three is lucky," it might have been better to stick with three "verses".  Just a thought...  You're right.  You set on a pattern, but it starts to get a little long by the last time through, but really the last bit of, "I lay down beside her" is perhaps the most important step in the story.  Personal opinion, but you might be best off sticking with your initial gut feeling of putting all four descriptions.  It's better to leave the building of tension to the end.

(If anything, I would have left off the last line, since it's almost the logical conclusion to the "tired and full of sleep," which the reader should guess at.  But even that's a hard call, because it's a great reflection of the description of the cold snow-girl.)


Really beautiful story, and worthy of the DD!
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:iconshineeserendipity:
ShineeSerenDipity Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Writer
I certainly agree with 1 am depression...
This whole piece makes me think she's dead without you spelling it out, and whether that was your intention or not I don't know, but it has a really nice effect! I am impressed!
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Am glad you like.

And the image I was working off for this one was of an old homeless guy finding the body of a young girl in a snowdrift and dying of exposure because he'd taken off his coat and scarf and boots to keep her warm in the hope she might wake up.
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:iconshineeserendipity:
ShineeSerenDipity Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Student Writer
That's really sad.... and makes the story even sadder :(
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:iconillustratedjai:
IllustratedJai Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful and creepy, like much of what you write, you Goose. <3
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:P Is a silly thing of silliness. Am glad you like, though <3
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:iconillustratedjai:
IllustratedJai Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
BAH. BEAUTIFUL AND CREEPY.
Reply
:iconstarsinthenightsky79:
starsinthenightsky79 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So I may be stalking you and there's a distinct possibility that I've fallen in love with your writing. A little bit. Anyway. Good job.
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
XD Thanks! Am glad you like (though there's not much to fall in love with - my dA is something of quantity over quality) :)
Reply
:iconstarsinthenightsky79:
starsinthenightsky79 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, don't be so humble. You are allowed to be proud, just saying. You have both quantity and quality in my opinion. :)
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:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :)

I'm a Brit, I can't be proud of my achievements. The sky would probably fall in or something XDD
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:iconstarsinthenightsky79:
starsinthenightsky79 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh god, may the world never come to that XP
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